Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Brilliance Of Internet Jesus

An example of why Warren Ellis is one of my favorite writers...

An old favourite that may not have been seen by a lot of you:
It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Jokers nipples off.

I mean, treatment doesnt work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.

A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.

Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.

I mean, whos going to argue?

"Batman, Ive heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Jokers nipples off."

"Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon."


I mean, crime in Gotham City doesnt exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.

"I'm Batman" isnt cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But "I'm Batman and I'm here for your nipples" is an entirely different proposition.

Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.

Im off to ring DC Comics.
(Written 2002)


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