My children

My son's report card was all A's & B's. He took a 67% (D) in Science and made it a 94% (A) in one quarter. Huge turnaround across the board for him, got rid of every Needs Improvement comment he had in the first semester.

Then there's my daughter, also an A-B student (including a fantastic score in a very tough math group)

Her bowling average: about 75

This morning's bowling scores in her league: 132, 138, 106

Behold my progeny, my twin-geniuses, the apples of my eye. Set the laurels of exaltation at their stinky feet, and writhe before them, prostrate, shielding your eyes from their brilliance.

Then look at me, and wonder if I'm really their father...